Marriage is by no means an easy game. The divorce rates continue to be high, and marriage registrations have fallen drastically. In addition, the COVID19 Pandemic has worsened the outcomes of intimate relationships. As a result, you are sabotaging your marriage when practising certain habits that don’t promote harmony with your spouse.
It is a fallacy to describe striving marriages as “lucky”. No. Spouses must work cooperatively for their marriages to flourish.
Marriages may be made in heaven, but they must be nurtured on earth.
Anon.
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1. Workaholism or over-ambitiousness
Are you married to your work or over-ambitious? You may work very long hours, or your job requires you to stay away from your significant others for long periods. Workaholism can create tension in your marriage.
The riches of the world are promising, no doubt. But apportioning quality time and supporting your spouse may be necessary to make your marriage prosper. Find out what makes your partner tick!
[bctt tweet=”Marriage is a plant of slow growth but potential longevity. It requires constant nurturing to attain full luxuriance. If neglected, it can slowly wither, or it can be cut down abruptly by abuse. David Onu”]Marriage is a plant of slow growth but potential longevity. It requires constant nurturing to attain full luxuriance. If neglected, it can slowly wither, or it can be cut down abruptly by abuse.
David Onu
2. Sabotaging your marriage by having separate leisures
Do you enjoy leisure time alone or with your mates instead of your partner? It may be the European Soccer League or The Cricket Ashes that you love. Your spouse may crave Netflix movies or Tennis. Of course, there is nothing wrong with any of that. But, if you indulge in leisure activities that cut out your spouse, you may lose love points.
A better approach is to brainstorm recreational activities you and your spouse can enjoy together. Or, you can develop more interest (or knowledge) in your partner’s leisure.
Remember, a couple that plays together stays together!
[bctt tweet=”If you find that you indulge in leisures that cut out your spouse, you may be losing love points. A better approach is to brainstorm activities that both of you can enjoy together. Remember, a couple that plays together stays together!”]3. Ignorance about your spouse’s love language
Are you aware of your partner’s primary love language? Gary Chapman popularized that concept through his books.
The following are the specific primary love languages of couples
- Acts of service
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch, including sexual intimacy
- Receiving gifts
Love languages work this way. For example, your spouse may crave words of affirmation. If you shower them with gifts, you will not score many love points. But, in your mind, you will be puzzled about what you have done wrong!
4. Deprivation of intimacy
Closely related to point 3 (above) is the willful denial of sexual intimacy to your partner. For example, one spouse shows no interest or complains they are “tired” whenever the other person clamours for intimacy. Or, worse still, intimacy is weaponized after any quarrels.
Denial of intimacy is a clear path to extramarital affairs. So please don’t do it.
5. Having an unforgiving spirit
Do you possess long memories of past hurts? Are you eager to resurrect past errors and inadequacies of your partner?
The wise old advice is for couples not to go to bed with bad feelings or grudges against each other. Compassion and forgiveness are essential for a successful marriage.
A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
Robert Quillen
6. Taking your partner for granted
Please, don’t take your loved one for granted. Instead, show appreciation for services rendered and life moments shared. Also, please don’t turn a blind eye to your spouse’s positive qualities and only focus on their shortcomings. None of us is perfect.
Offering gratitude acts as rays of sunshine illuminating our darkest moments. We can all learn to show more appreciation to our husband or wife.
[bctt tweet=”Offering gratitude acts as rays of sunshine illuminating our darkest moments. We can all learn to show more appreciation to our husband or wife.”]7. Extramarital affairs
It is one of the most typical causes of marital conflicts and divorces globally.
Extramarital affairs have at their root the unmet emotional needs of at least one partner. The affected spouse then unwittingly shares details of their unfulfilling relationship with a member of the opposite sex. The paramour subsequently satisfies such emotional needs, which usually include intimacy.
What initially starts as a secret eventually becomes open. Most marriages have no way of surviving that.
8. The tyrannical and abusive spouse
Are you such a tyrant that your partner constantly fears physical violence? Worse still, is there emotional or physical abuse in your marriage? Other forms of abuse are psychological neglect, financial control, and unilateral spending by one spouse.
9. Sabotaging your marriage through addictive behaviours
People can be addicted to several things. Examples include video games, pornography, gambling, alcohol and illicit drugs.
The addictive behaviours take a financial and emotional toll on marriage partners. Also, pornography destroys marriages because of objectifying women and increases sexual assault in marriage.
The solution is for the individuals affected to undertake the necessary rehabilitation targeted at specific addictive habits.
10. Lack of clear boundaries
Do you allow your children, family or friends to take preeminence over your partner? Do you take sides with your parents against your spouse? Setting clear boundaries and prioritising one’s partner over others is advisable.
To recap
Now, you have the ten habits that sabotage and wreck marriages. These points will guide you even if you are still single.
- Workaholism and over-ambitiousness
- Having separate leisures
- Ignorance about your spouse’s love language
- Deprivation of intimacy
- Having an unforgiving spirit
- Taking your partner for granted
- Extramarital affairs
- The unjust and abusive partner
- Addictive tendencies
- Lack of clear boundaries
Which of these habits are at play in your marriage? What are you willing to do about it?
I would love to hear your thoughts.
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Suppose you have found any points in this post confronting your marriage, past relationships or mental health. In that case, I will urge you to call the relevant Mental Health Hotlines or schedule a consultation with a healthcare provider for mental health assessment and counselling.
Thanks for your time.
