Are you married to a workaholic husband who is always working or thinking about his job? You may have tried everything to get him to spend more time with you, but nothing seems to work. Workaholism can create conflicts in your relationship and deprive you of romantic love.
With this guide, you’ll identify the signs of a workaholic husband and solutions to save your relationship.
I was a workaholic earlier in my career. At that time, my work involved long hours in the hospital and on-call, stretching many days at a time. I did not realize then how my work pattern impacted my young family. My wake-up call was when my wife revealed that she was not coping with a workaholic husband. It was then that I made the most challenging decision of my career. I found a new job that enabled me time to achieve better work-life harmony.
What does workaholism mean?
Wayne Oates coined the term “workaholism” in his 1971 book. He defined it as an “irresistible or uncontrolled need for continuous work”. Workaholics have the urge to work even out of the office. They prioritize work over necessary things like sleep and spending time with loved ones.
In addition, virtual work resulting from the COVID Pandemic has made it difficult for some people to draw boundaries between work and home life.
The result is the “workaholic breakdown syndrome.”
Many researchers now view it as a disease of addiction, like gambling.
What are the signs you are married to a workaholic husband?
If your husband works too much, it is essential to be aware of the signs of being a workaholic. That way you can address them and help save your relationship before it’s too late.
Some signs of workaholism include:
- Making work a top priority over family and friends. So, loved ones feel disconnected.
- Talking only about work, even when at home.
- Lack of enjoyment of non-work activities.
- Sacrificing one’s personal life for work when finances are not a concern.
- Having no hobbies or free time due to constantly working.
- They feel controlled by their job.
- Workaholics obsess over failures and feel guilty when faced with situations outside their control.
- They are perfectionists who are unsatisfied with the quality of their work.
- Workaholics are poor in work delegation and micromanage others.
What drives your workaholic husband?
When we understand the motivations behind our spouse’s workaholism, we can better understand them as individuals. Then, we can work with them to salvage our relationships.
- Some workaholics have a high sense of inferiority and insecurity. That may be from a parent condemning their actions from childhood. As a result, they may have told you that you will not amount to anything. Hence, working hard is your attempt to prove the naysayers wrong. In addition, work makes you feel accomplished.
- Other people work too much to make enough money for their families or themselves.
- Some have a fear of not being loved. For instance, a workaholic husband may have an unmet emotional need for affirmation from their spouse.
- Workaholism may result from the drive for achievement or perfectionism.
- Workaholism may be an excuse to stay away from a nagging spouse or to avoid family responsibilities.
What are the consequences of being a workaholic?
Workaholism has both positive and dark sides. On the one hand, some workaholics report they are productive and feel fulfilled.
However, being a workaholic in one’s professional life has several negative consequences. They include:
- Missing out on personal activities and other areas of life
- Excess marital conflicts and arguments with a spouse
- Health issues like anxiety and depression
- Reduction in work efficiency and micromanagement.
- Frequent absences from work from stress and burnout.
- In addition, a workaholic’s tendency to prioritize their job over other aspects of life can cause strain in relationships and marriages.
Practical tips save your marriage to a workaholic husband.
1. Make every second count.
Making every second count can save a marriage between a workaholic husband and his spouse by creating quality time together. That could mean setting aside time for date nights and other activities that foster connection and avoiding discussing work when spending time with each other. Also, avoiding using cell phones when spending time together will help the couple be more engaged in their interactions.
2. Find the good in a great work ethic
Finding the good in a great work ethic can be essential to saving a marriage. Recognizing and appreciating your spouse’s work ethic and achievements can help couples feel more satisfied with their relationships. It also allows them to communicate better and understand each other’s emotional and physical needs more clearly.
3. Set the necessary boundaries
Partners of workaholic husbands must set boundaries about non-negotiables. For instance, limiting the time spent at work at home. Also, leaving phones out of the bedroom can help. Doing this allows them to spend quality time together without the distractions that phones or laptops can cause.
By making small changes in how they spend their time together, couples can make a big difference in their relationship.
4. Make the home comfortable for them.
Some workaholic husbands give the excuse of staying away from a bickering partner. Others try to avoid family responsibilities altogether.
Making the husband feel welcome and special when he can come home from work shows him that he is valued, strengthening the emotional bond between partners. Also, appreciate their other qualities and kind gestures no matter how small they seem.
5. Continue making memories.
Research shows that couples who spend quality time together are less likely to experience divorce. So partners must prioritize spending time with one another even when one spouse works longer than usual. In addition, make your workaholic husband feel special when he is home from work.
For instance, offering him a hug or coffee can create beautiful memories and a stronger bond with you.
6. Don’t criticise or undermine your workaholic husband.
It is essential to remember not to enable their destructive behaviours. Please try not to nag them about their work habits – this will only make them defensive and less likely to change their ways. You want to avoid marital conflicts.
Instead, set boundaries for yourself and your family and stick to them. That will help your spouse see that you are serious about changing things and might motivate them to do the same.
7. Find workable compromises.
Both partners must find compromises that facilitate peace and understanding to keep the relationship. Taking time for self-care and setting boundaries can help manage stress levels in the home, which leads to improved communication about work habits and ultimately helps save the marriage.
8. Celebrate your small victories
Celebrating small victories when living with a workaholic husband is essential to make him feel appreciated and valued. Doing so can help foster positive feelings, which can benefit the marriage. Celebrating small successes also helps to encourage more balanced behaviour in the future, as it shows that there are rewards for working hard and taking time off from work.
In addition, celebrating small victories can bring couples closer together again.
9. Seek professional help.
Getting professional help to live happily with a workaholic husband may be necessary due to this lifestyle’s potential health and mental health issues. Relationship coaches or counsellors can help you develop healthier habits and create boundaries.
Also, professionals can support partners as they learn how to cope, adjust, and find solutions together.
Please don’t wait until it is too late to seek help, but, you don’t have to divorce your workaholic husband!
Summary
Workaholism can sabotage your marriage. The riches of the world are appealing, no doubt. But, seeking a good work-life balance will benefit your family immensely. I have discussed the practical tips to take in coping with your workaholic husband if you have one.
The workaholic husband must also strive to change their habits by spending less time working and more time with his wife.
If these solutions do not save their marriage, I recommend you seek professional help.
Are you in a relationship with a workaholic? Which of these tips will you implement in your marriage?
I would love to hear your thoughts.
Please comment below, or let’s continue the discussion on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or Linkedin.
Thanks for your time.
